You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
