I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
