I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
