I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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