You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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