I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
