I just made out with a guy for $7.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
