My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
