Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
