mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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