The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
