Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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