Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
