This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
