if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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