There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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