Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
