well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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