Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
