WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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