I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
