He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
