And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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