dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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