Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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