She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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