Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
