My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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