no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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