Whod you bang
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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