I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
