I need to stop coming to work sober
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
