well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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