a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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