so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
