It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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