A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
