nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
