I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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