Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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