My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
