i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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