Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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