First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
