i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
