i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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