I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
