i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
