thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
