I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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