Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
