DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
