Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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