My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
